So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
