Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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