After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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