Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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