O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You're like the curious george of whores
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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