The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
