Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
