I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
