just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
