If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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