Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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