He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
