I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
