Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
