Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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