And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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