i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
