new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So much Jack, so little girl.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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