bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
