So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
