my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
