White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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