I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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