I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
