some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
