If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
