I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
