dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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