i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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