Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
