This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
