Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
