At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize