Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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