he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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