guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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