What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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