is wine microwaveable?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
