I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
