I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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