your thong is hanging out like whoa
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
