$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
