Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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