I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
