my shit smells like andre
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
