Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
