dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
