Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
