You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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