YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When are your genitals available?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
