They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
