Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
