I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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