community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
