Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
