I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
