Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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