i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
