im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
