To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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