do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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