You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
