Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
