so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize