Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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