How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
