Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
