Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
