and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
