Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
