I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
