It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
