Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
