What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
