there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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