I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
