once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize