if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
