What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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