so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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