Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sex in a hospital.. check
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
