I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize