Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
