All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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