This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
