I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
