You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
