I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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