**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
