were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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