I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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