the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
