this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I pour the whiskey from now on
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
