And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
