Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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