You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
