Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
