I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
