So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
