We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
