Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
