My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
