I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
