note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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