i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
