So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
