I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
