Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
