Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
where am i from again
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
