I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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