just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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